Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
