Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
