last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
