Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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