I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
