Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
