i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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