If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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