WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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