He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
