do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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