I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
