You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
