My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
