I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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