I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
