you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I accidentally burped into my bong.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
