Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
