I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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