There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My feet surprised me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
