Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
