dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
