i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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