Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Everclear isn't food dammit
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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