Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
