The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
