party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
