did you get engaged???
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
