So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
