new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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