I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
