your parents love me but you hate me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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