Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
