spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
