my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
