Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
