just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She told me I should be a condom model.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
