It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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