Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You smell like stripper and shame
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
