But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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