dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
