I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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