My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
