I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
