she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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