I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
