Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
