I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Rumble strips road head = magical
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
