ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
