At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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