I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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