how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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